BOFH and the Case of the Abominable Acronyms

Episode 17 “I just want to know if you have the responses to the RFIs on our RFP – because we need them ASAP,” the boss says, practicing his acronyms.

“The RFIs for the RFP?” said the PFY. “You never said you needed it PDQ. I emailed the supplier for clarification but they were either AFK or AWOL so I haven’t received a response.”

“Have you given us an ETA on responses to RFP information requests?” I add. “Because I noticed that at least one of the questions was addressed in the FAQ in the RFP appendix.”

“And just like an FYI,” the PFY continues, “we noted that someone had changed the closing date of EOBD+EOM to 4 p.m. Friday.”

“Probably RH,” I said. “Because they try to limit the number of people working overtime on tenders because some of them are stuffed with TMI. Although for good PR we could have done R&D to better clarify our RFP in the first place.”

“But surely our vendor’s CRM would have noted the EOD+EOM of our CMS’s draft contracts and would have had its own ETA to enable us to issue a timely RFQ if it were successful?” asks the PFY.

“It would only happen if our legal department was happy that someone issued a quote request and last I heard was MIA with COVID.”

“Does he have an ETA for when he gets back?”

“From what I understand it’s TBC – but I suspect it’s actually a TOC about EOBD+EOM, and it’s not really ‘there- high “in terms of IQ.”

“But he’s known the RDD for weeks.”

“The Ron Donald, right? »

“The requested due date,” says the PFY, clarifying this somewhat. “So I don’t see why he has a TOC about it.

“It’s a bit OTT, but if you had seen his CV you would know it was a matter of time. I guess we could cobble together the RFI responses that would move the overall ETA forward, but we would have to do everything in COB today.”

“Are we going to get it back to them in time? Remember their ISP thought they were having issues with the CPU or RAM on their main router, which affected their connectivity, not to mention uptime stats since the beginning of the year Apparently the CIO of our RFP provider spoke to their ISP CEO – AKA their COO – and it turned out that it was a NAS that was DOA so they were getting an RMA to send it back the last week.”

“So RE the RFI, we’re good at answering pre-sales HOD – and maybe asking for KPIs?”

“A-OK on this,” says the PFY, “but it might be a little OTT to ask for KPIs at this stage as they will want to check the ROI of their proposal against their projected P&L – which would be.. . . . with or without VAT.”

“With VAT, of course – no one wants problems with HMRC.”

“Did you send the URL of our CMS?” »

“Of course – with the correct document ID.”

“HTTP or FTP?”

“HTTPS. I IM-ed the pre-sale HOD right before COB.”

“And you remembered telling him that their health and safety policy should be included in the tender response?”

“Yeah, but they already mentioned it in their RFIs. Apparently their COO recently completed an MBA with a focus on health and safety.”


“OMG indeed. Not only that, they wanted us to sign an NDA due to their concerns about IP theft.”

“IP. WTF?! LOL.”

“I know, talk about TOC – there’s more IP in AppleTalk.”

The Boss has become glassy and appears to be in power saving mode.

“I just wanted to know if you had the answers?” he pleads.

“We had a few,” I said, the game seemingly over.

“OK, but will they be ready by COB today?”

“Everything except the RFID stuff, which is TBC,” says the PFY, once again returning to the pony of the acronym. “The CAD drawings of the mounting hardware are going to be sent to the CNC company so the SFF PC will fit under the desk and make room for the LTE modem to enable our VPN for the B2B stuff.”

“We use a VPN? asks the boss, recognizing a sequence of letters.

“Yeah – but not super heavy – we don’t talk to the UN or anyone in the EU, although we may have an NGO or two.”

“So it’s a yes?” the Boss begs, with the acronym vertigo.

“Yeah. We might want it for some VR stuff, if it all fits under the desk we got from IKEA around 2017 AD.”

“Was that the one for the PA director’s PC, with the DVD – and now a VPN?” I ask. “I thought she said it was broken.”

“It was, but I sprayed him with WD50 and then emailed him – connecting the manager with a PS about how he looked like he was intentionally damaged – but CSI would have to prove it.”

The Boss runs out of the room holding his ears.

“TGIF,” says the PFY.

BOFH and the Case of the Abominable Acronyms

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